I'm in a much better state of mind than I was in my last post. I was laying the bed watching tv and on the computer after writing that blog. Somehow the channel changed I think I was laying on the remote or something, and Joel Olsteen ended up coming on. He was talking about how God has a time for everything. If you're waiting on something to just keep waiting because God knows the desires of your heart, and when the time is PERFECT he will give you what you need. I guess it was just what I needed to hear. So then I found a website that isn't as high end as the knot, therefore closer to our price range. See it here, Wedding Wire. I found that we could get married at the haak winery for well in our price range. See it here, Make sure you look at the pictures!!
Its pretty, its in our price range, and it knocks out the caterer too. I mostly want an all inclusive package so I can just tweak and personalize the details instead of have to plan it all myself. So we are going to look there I should call for an appointment soon. :) I'll update you on that when it happens. Actually lately I've been much more optimistic about my weight. Not that its gotten much better, but for some reason I feel pretty again. Well most of the time. Can I just interrupt my self for a moment and say that Jade is driving me crazy? OMG. She won't stop pacing in front of me and whining. I'm going home tonight now that my mom is done being sick. Is that ugly? I just can't afford going to the dr. Speaking of affording things, I paid my bills for this month and finished my christmas shopping. Now I'm going to be living pay check to pay check.
I'm okay with that since I only have three bills to pay and the rest will go on gas. I guess Joel Olsteen was right, I'd been looking for a job and right when I REALLY needed one, God came through. I'm really starting to work on my faith again. Feels nice to not be so alone. I know this is an awful thing to say, but part of whats holding me back is the hate in my heart. I'm not ready to let it go. I'm not ready to be a bigger person. I guess I should be working on that too. "/ *Sigh. Also just a though I'd like you all to ponder with me: Kids are supposed to see through everything in their innocence, right? What age does that stop being true? Ten? I'd say ten. It was just proven to me when Jade told me, "my daddy is a good person." How can a ten yearl old possibly understand an recognize the components that make a "good" person. I still have trouble with it, SO.MUCH.GREY.AREA. Tell me, what do you think makes a person good?
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