Last night Jeffrey and I had a long talk. I hate that we aren't married. I hate waiting. He said if I really wanted we could get married in march so it can be on my mom and dad's anniversary like I really really want. That was our original plan but then I started school and we were going to wait until I was out so we opted for our anniversary instead in october. I'm going to still be in school then anyway now so Jeffrey said we could try to plan a wedding for march but he won't be happy having to rush through planning it. So I guess we'll probably end up waiting until next october, because I'll be happier with my wedding if I have time to make it perfect. But at the same time I don't really see how it matters since a ten thousand dollar wedding budget is not very much at all and I don't think I can get what I want with that.
I know that sounds awful, but weddings are expensive. My dream dress is extremely expensive. I won't tell you how much, but well over half of our 10k budget. Look at how beautiful it is! not that it would look that beautiful on me, but a girl can dream. Point is.. I hate that he isn't my husband, that we are waiting so long to start our forever. That people get married everyday for stupid reasons and jump into relationships that won't last and I have a perfect relationship with an amazing man, and being completely his is just out of my grasp. It doesn't help that I'm the most impatient person in the world. I want to be happy for my friends when things go right for them, but I don't find myself being happy when I hear, guess what??!! I'm getting married. It just kind of makes me mad at Jeffrey. I don't know why, and I can't help it.
I'm not a total jealous raving bitch or anything. It's more like I'm very sad/jealous. Jeffrey and I have been engaged for more than six months now. "/ My good friend Janey is getting married on the 28th. I am happy for her, yes, but not about it. Because I don't have it. I get to go watch another one of my friends skip off into the sunset while I want nearly another fucking year. I'm so mad. Mad in a sad way. Ugh. Idk I'm just mad and sad and jealous and pessimistic. Don't look at me. :(
I'm not a total jealous raving bitch or anything. It's more like I'm very sad/jealous. Jeffrey and I have been engaged for more than six months now. "/ My good friend Janey is getting married on the 28th. I am happy for her, yes, but not about it. Because I don't have it. I get to go watch another one of my friends skip off into the sunset while I want nearly another fucking year. I'm so mad. Mad in a sad way. Ugh. Idk I'm just mad and sad and jealous and pessimistic. Don't look at me. :(
" I want to be happy for my friends when things go right for them, but I don't find myself being happy when I hear, guess what??!! I'm getting married.....I'm not a total jealous raving bitch or anything. It's more like I'm very sad/jealous.....I get to go watch another one of my friends skip off into the sunset while I want nearly another fucking year. I'm so mad. Mad in a sad way. Ugh. Idk I'm just mad and sad and jealous and pessimistic. Don't look at me. :("
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT PREGNANCY!!!!!!!! Like, 1000000000% exactly right on. And the reason I was anxious earlier (still am) is because Keith's mom keeps pestering him "Call your brother, call your brother, call your brother, he needs to talk to you, blahblahblah." She never ever does that, so now I'm scared that they're going to tell us that his wife is pregnant with baby #3. I'm seriously dreading it in the worst way. I don't want to find that shit out. Not now. So I know how you feel about people saying they're getting married when it's the one thing in the world that you want more than anything else right now.
I also think that if your dream is to get married in March, that you should do it even if it means rushing a bit. I believe you can do it, really. Coming to terms with a spending limit is hard for something that's supposed to be a magical day, but at least yours is a pretty big (compared to mine) budget. Mine was like $1500, and that's including the dress I bought from David's bridal a year or so before the wedding. It wasn't perfect, especially after the week we had just had, but it was definitely memorable and my friends and family did their best to make it special for me, and that's what I'll remember most. I know right now it seems like the small details are the biggest things in the world, but it's about it being your special day in front of God and whomever you choose to attend.
And I'm sorry for writing a novel, but I had a lot to say. Love you, and I know your wedding will be beautiful no matter when or how you decide to do it :)
thank you for understanding. i don't know why but that made me cry. :'( we can't get married in march not only do we need to save for a wedding we won't have a place to live in march. gawd i feel like some one hit me in the heart with a hammer.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry about your MIL. If you turn out to be right,its just more reasons for keith to spoil you. jeffrey tries a lot harder to make me happy when he knows i'm upset.
i'm looking at more wedding shit now. and i just found out my dream venue is way out of our price range as well. needless to say i got a little hysterical. ooh there are things i want to gripe about but can't put for people to see you should text me i don't want to hurt anyones feelings
i know this isn't what you want, but you could get married at the court house in march, and then have an actual ceremony in october. besides, the actual marriage itself is farrr more important than just one ceremony one day of your life. hell yes, i want a fabulous million dollar wedding with all the trimmings, but my 14,400 a year won't allow for that. shit, i would do anything for a 10,000 dollar wedding like you're having but i know it's not realistic for me. but i want to have coy, not a wedding.
ReplyDeletei know and like i said on the phone, i am impatient because i just want to be with him. but i am willing to wait to have a wedding. we both want that. i just hate waiting on it so that i can have a 10k wedding. "/
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