Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours

Sorry I didn't write last night. I was hanging out with my family while Jeffrey watched the playoffs with his. Its so weird being away from him. I don't feel like miserable without him, I just feel better, more whole with him. I don't mean to sound corny, but he really does complete me. He makes me happier and better and I'm so glad we found eachother so young. Hes my perfect soulmate and I have in him everything I could ever want. Sometimes I want to kill him, but I'd always kill for him. I guess thats why I feel bad hating someone in his family. I know he doesn't like that selfish woman either, but I know that he loves her, and that us hating eachother hurts him. I feel so guilty. I never want to cause him any pain ever. When he hurts I hurt. I feel like a really crappy fiancee because as much as it bothers me for him I can't seem to get a handle on my pride and try to work things out with shannon. I don't think I should have to, I took special caution not to say anything really damaging or ugly when we were fighting so that I'd have nothing to apologize for. I didn't even cuss. I don't know though. I don't want him to hurt and I don't want to swallow my pride. I feel like I'm so undeserving of him. I've been thinking a lot about our future. I really believe we'll have the perfect relationship forever. As time passes hes become less and less of a pushover. Hes not afraid to hurt my feelings even though he hates to make me cry- and will always fix whatever is broken in me, by him or not. I think thats what true love is about. Truth. Absolute pure and untainted truth. We can tell eachother anything always. I feel like maybe I'm not being 20 how I "should" but I wouldn't do it any different any day. I can't imagine how people would willingly go out and get hammered so badly that they don't even remember who they were with and what they did or where. I love having my baby to come home to. I worry if sometimes I might regret "growing up" too fast, but I don't see how I can when the point of growing up is to find someone like him and live happily ever after forever. Judge me how you want say what you will, but I wouldn't want my life any other way. Everything steers you towards finding the one. Even if you "Just want a career" why? For money? What do you need money for? To buy nice things? Why do you need nice things if you don't have anyone to share them with? We skipped some steps, but I'm so glad we did. I don't know if this is even making sense. I'm really just babbling so forgive me. Its time to cuddle.