Puppy Lovin'

Today was so long. I did NOT want to get up for school. Five fifteen comes really early. Its absolutely CRAZY that I have to be up that early because my classes don't start until eight. I know WTF? jenny! I have to leave the house at six thirty to make it to school by eight. I travel to richmond avenue everyday, and back. EXHAUSTING. Well, sometimes. I actually kind of like the drive most days. It gives me a chance to think. :) A chance to let loose and sing as loud as I want too. I also like that I get experience with downtown houston. My mom is forty-five and she still won't drive houston. LAME. Baytown sucks, I've always said how I absolutely do NOT want to raise a family here one day. I still don't, but knowing how much Houston has to offer right up the road kind of makes it seem not so bad. I'm talking about all the driving because today I finally went to the DPS and got another liscence finally, and it took forever! Of course it doesn't help that I'm the most impatient person in the world, Jeffrey is always telling me that.

My old friend I mentioned that was back in my life made a grand exit today. "/ I'm sad because I really enjoyed having that person in my life. It made me happy and feel like I could be somewhat like the old me. Do you know what I mean? Well it turns out that this person hasn't changed much, and I remembered they weren't in my life anymore for a reason. I know its for the best because no friendship or relationship is worth getting in the way of Jeffrey and I. Thats what said person was attempting. No go. I know it might be... wrong? but Jeffrey and I chose eachother. We both said forever and marriage vows say forsaking all others. I know we haven't taken them yet, but we plan to so same thing right? Anyways.. forsaking all others is my favorite line. It speaks to me. I don't care if its my best friend, cousin, sister, or mother, Jeffrey comes first. Don't dare try to put yourself inbetween us. I'm not a cold hearted bitch, of course it would take more from my mom or sister or something for me to be like, screw off, I pick jeffrey.

I'm so glad that I pryed myself out of bed this morning. I really do enjoy these classes this mod. I'm such a nerd, I know this. Also, Jeffrey and I watched dominic again today. In fact we still are, baby butt is sitting in my lap as I type. I knew since we first started watching him almost a year ago, that together someday we will make great parents. Today though, it became evident to me how well it will work out. We have already assumed roles and work well together. I bathe the kids we care for, I change most of the diapers- Jeffrey does change them if I ask him to, or he gets to it first. I put their clothes on them, except for the socks. I'm bad at the socks and shoes, Jeffrey does that. Jeffrey secures carseats and gets them in and out of the car. He usually feeds them, I mostly lay them down for bed. He sometimes does this, it depends on the kid and if they are whining lol. We just work so well together. If by some twisted turn of fate we ended up pregnant right now, I don't think I'd be upset, minus the money thing. lol but who can ever say they aren't worried about the money to raise a baby. Again, don't read too much into this, I am not saying that I want to have babies right now. Those are all my tiny thoughts tonight. I hope you enjoyed them. :)

As if.

Thats right, I so just went alicia silverstone circa clueless on your ass. Anyways, I was so tired yesterday so I went to bed early and got an actual eight hours of sleep! I still didn't want to wake up this morning though. I really don't want to stress out my hours this mod though so I got out of bed. I was so glad I went to class today, I learned a lot and I loved the material. I like the way Dr. Jordan teaches, its the exact  structure I need for the way I learn. On a semi related note, I'm so ready to be done being sick.

I feel like I got a lot done today, even though I really didn't. I went to school, played with tiny dommy for a little while, resisted the STRONG urge to nap, bought Jeffrey's christmas, and narrowed down the options for his mommy's christmas. I can't divulge details there because Jeffrey sometimes reads this. I've decided to be a total grinch this year and only buy presents for people that I like. Family or not, I don't give a flying.. :) it's my money and you don't get any! That includes your children too... maybe. I'm just being a bitch right now, so don't hold me to this.

I haven't had much anything to say for a few days and I feel like I might be letting y'all down. I know I'm such a bore, hopefully something interested will happen to me tomorrow. Riiiight.

Oh, Boring day.

I went back to school today. I knew I missed it, but WOW! I don't feel useless anymore. :D It felt awful wasting my days away doing nothing. I started my fourth mod today, which means I only have seven more! Actually, six and an externship! This mod I'm taking Cardiopulminary diagnostic procedures... or the EKG lab, and the anatomy class that goes with it. I have the same teacher for both classes, and I really like her! She does make a lot of eye contact though, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. Anyways, point is, I LOVE my classes and I'm so excited to be back at school. We found out that we don't get but one day off for thanksgiving break! I also only get one week off for christmas/new years! I would be angry if it wasn't for the fact that I will graduate in July!

I didn't get much sleep last night. I was up all night fighting with my friend, but I felt okay in the morning when I took some medicine. Right before lunch it started wearing off or something and I felt like shit. So I called Jeffrey and he headed up there early. I only left an hour early because the drive was so long it took that long for Jeffrey to get there! Also my phone got cut off today because I forgot to pay the bill yesterday. Its back on now though so we're golden. My friend and I made up too, so other than the fact that I feel like crap I had a pretty good day. I napped all day but I'm EXHAUSTED so I'm about to go to bed. :)

Laters on the menjay! (hahah  I love you, man!)

This is probably going to be a waste of your time.

Stupid achey, tired body. If anything I've gotten worse. I hate being sick especially when I'm not at home. I did take out a lot of my frustration on halo though. I find that usually helps, and I've been getting better at it too. :) Nerrrrd, yes you can say it. I guess its time I should start thinking about christmas shopping. I want to get my mom something special but I need to keep it cheap. Any ideas? I have a general idea for what I'm going to get Jeffrey. I can't write it here though since he sometimes reads these posts. I really screwed myself overt two christmases ago by giving him the BEST PRESENT EVER!! I had bought one of those calendars that you pull the sheet off for each day, and I decorated each page with a reason why I loved him. Feel free to reuse that if you want. :) After I buy for my mom and Jeffrey all I have left is kirk, terri, kendall, kameron, taryn, raylen, harley, jade, and jeffrey's parents. I'm not going to spend money on everyone this year especially if they're mad at me. At this point I am not going to his family's thanksgiving, or christmas because they do it at his cousin's' parents house, the one that is mad at me. I don't want to go deal with it. I don't want to go camping with them either in march. She'll be there and I don't want to deal with her, or her bitchy looks. On the other hand though I kind of want to be at all of those things because it probably pisses her off that I'm there and she can't do anything about it. :D oh.. I mean, Jeffrey would be happy if I could put my feelings aside and spend the holidays with him and his family. I'm messed up. God I have issues. lol. Nothing really happened today, so hopefully if you plan on coming back tomorrow, I'll have a jucier update.

Everyone's got a sob story, here's mine.

My throat hurts, which is about right. I do go back to school monday so it only makes since that I would get sick. I feel like crap too. Emotionally, physically, mentally, you name it. I'm stuck in a weird spot. I don't know whats wrong or why I'm upset, which happens sometimes, I'm a girl- It's my prerogative. Today Iits affecting my relationship. I've been kind of distant which I guess is pushing Jeffrey away.. He's being passive aggressive, which is pissing me off. I don't even know why we have a problem or if we're fighting, but I just feel so resentful today. I also feel really bad putting this out for everyone to read because it's nobody's damn business. Thats the point of this blog though right? A place to vent? I hope so because it doesn't feel right saying this to anyone. I'm so angry and hurt today. I Feel so resentful. I resent my mom, I resent my sister, I resent Jeffrey. Nothing happened, it's just all hitting me today. I resent my mom because I know she loves me, but she doesn't help me like I need, she's too busy taking care of Terri and her kids. I'm grateful for that anyother day, but today... I'm just a spiteful, angry, raging bitch. I resent Terri for this too. I'm 20, she is about to turn 26. My mom is so busy helping her, I hardly exist. I need guidance, I need some help sometimes. I'm scared, its a big scary world, and if you don't want me to need you like Terri does when I have a family, maybe you should steer me in the right direction now, don't you think? I resent Jeffrey because he doesn't understand. I'm always stressed out, I'm always worried, and he doesn't understand- he's never been there. He never will, his mom does everything she can to make sure he doesn't have to feel stressed out or worried or alone. I don't really resent him for that, so I'm more jealous of him in that way. I worded that wrong. "/ I'm so full of pessimism today. I hate everyone.

Life goes on

So my plans for today were to go apply to some nasty little fast food joint I used to work at in high school because its my only chance at a job. The only experience I have. I then realized it was veterans day and they would probably not be open so I'm going tomorrow. After that Jeffrey and I just hung out around the house and his cousin pepper came over. Remember I said I drunkenly apologized to her? I don't remember what I said or what she said or if things are okay now.. She hasn't talked to me so I guess she's still upset with me. Not upset with Jeffrey though even though he verbally bitch slapped her for me when she was ugly to me :)

So I don't know what that means. I'm emotional, I know this, and I know that I have my own set of rules for our relationship. Poor Jeffrey, he doesn't know which way is up when it comes to not hurting my feelings.. but I digress, thats totally different post right there, lol. The way I see it is, I love Jeffrey and if anyone, my family or not, hurt his feelings, I wouldn't want anything to do with them until they apologized. Its beyond me how he doesn't feel the same way, but he doesn't. Pepper said something to him and he talked back. Naturally the emotional being that I am, I went into an emotional downward spiral. Silently of course, I've gotten amazing at not causing a scene. In-laws, and respect for your fiance will do that for you. Oh.. and growing up of course, lol. I'm over it now though, who cares? I don't want to waste my time thinking about someone so unessential to my life. Is that a healthy thought?

My school called today. I get to go back monday like nothing even happened. Mrs. Garza told me that I can make up the time I missed and still graduate on time. I'm signed up to take the EKG class, and Anatomy & Physiology this mod. Thats going to be really hard, so I will start making things up next mod. I'm excited. But I do need to get things straight before I start going to downtown every day. I need to get another driver's lisence and I need to find some car insurance! I know I know.. don't preach at me. :)

After that, my mom called to tell me my sister's cousin, Mike had died last night. He isn't my cousin, my sister and I have different dads. Terri and Kendall's phones won't be on until tomorrow, so her dad couldn't call to tell her and posted R.I.P. on facebook, my mom saw and sought out after details. Terri and Mike were very close growing up. So I went to her house so she could call her dad. Jeffrey didn't want to come with me, because he doesn't know how to handle these conversations. I was beyond hurt that he couldn't just be there for my sister like i'm always there for his family. So I went alone feeling negative and down trodden. She knew something was wrong when I got there. I just told her that her dad was trying to get a hold of her and that it was important. While she called I took care of the kids. Let me just tell you, When her face crumpled, my heart did. I never realized how much I would give to keep her from hurting. I love my sister so much. After all this, I saw that she really just needed me, and I was grateful Jeffrey foresaw that, and gave us our time together. I love him!

She was broken hearted and angry, and I was at a loss for words. How someone so young can take their life on purpose and leave three kids and a wife behind is beyond me. It hurt the most that Terri could understand his reasons. Shes both been there, felt that before. We were sitting there and she was crying and I was holding baby Taryn, and Kameron was still so happy and oblivious just playing like making us laugh was the single most important thing in the world. I was so happy in that moment to realize that while I could understand his feelings, not his reasons, and knowing that so many people right now felt that way, that life goes on. Kameron has been such a blessing and a suture that holds our family together. I wish life was as easy as Kameron thinks, that every tear is forgotten as soon as you laugh, and it breaks my heart to know that one day he'll realize thats not so. That one day his spirit will break too, one day he'll cry for other reasons than i'm hungry, i'm hurt, or i miss you. I love him. Today was a shit ass day for all of this, but it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

and the greatest things I've learned of life is this: it goes on.

Whats got my panties in a bunch, you ask?

I didn't post yesterday because I was with Dominic. Oh tiny Dominic! Jeffrey and I played with him in his room with all his toys and things. People playing with him must be rare because he didn't know what to think! He was yelling and running and laughing and having the time of his tiny little life. I hope he remembers us and the times we had when he gets big. I say this because I have an awful premonition that he won't be in our lives forever. That makes me sad. I'm trying to convince Jeffrey to make Dominic a tiny groomsmen in our wedding, but he doesn't want to because he probably won't be apart of our lives forever.

Today Jeffrey and I took Terri, Taryn, and Kameron to see the doctor. Kameron was a tiny hellian once again. I  hope his.... brattiness, for lack of a better word, is just a phase. I hate to say that, but lately he's been so bad! I think its just since now there is a tiny baby around 100% of the time taking up 50% of his attention. I hope thats it and that it will get better soon. After the doctor we went to wal mart so that Terri could grocery shop while we waited for taryn's prescription. I got some things too: grapes, oranges, a pineapple, and some crystal lite drink mixes. I want to start eating/drinking better to help loose some weight. I'll start with my snacks, I'll make them healthy i.e the fruit. I'm drinking what I'm going to try to make my last soda right now. So then we load the car in the pouring rain, and get a call from Jeffrey's mom that raylen was at the house with no one to watch her so she had to call Jeffrey's dad home from work to take care of her! When we're pulling out, my passenger side mirror just falls off! WTF?! Right? Someone obviously hit it like with a cart or something and stuck it back on, cause its still attatched, just hanging.  Who does that?

Whats even better is that I found out a new one costs about a hundred and twenty five dollars. Luckily I might be able to find an old one for about fifty. Markably better, but I shouldn't even have to replace it. So thats whats got my panties in a bunch for now. Now I'm off to spend some time with my puppy. :)