Black young and famous, money hanging out the anus.

BEST LYRIC EVER.   Anyway, I figured I'd start this blog out happy since today was so sad for me. Today is my dad's fifty-first birthday and he wasn't here to celebrate it with me. In fact four days after his birthday marks the anniversary of his death. On January 31st, it will be fifteen years passed. I can't believe that. Honestly- I can not wrap my head around it. Or more importantly my heart. My poor daddy was just thirty-six and four days when he went to heaven way too young. The way the anniversaries are so close together makes you really realize the unexpected way that life goes. Who ever thinks, "Awesome, its my birthday! Now let me live my last four days up." ? No one. So this year Jeffrey drove Terri, the babies and me out to his grave. Kameron colored a dinosaur picture for him and we each wrote a note on it for him. Then we sang happy birthday to him and left. There really wasn't much more to be done there. I would really rather think of him not as a grave. Granted I don't have much to go on. I was barely five when he had to go. So I'd rather be at home and think of my few memories, and comfort myself with how much everyone says I am like him. It hurts my feelings that I don't know him or really what he was like, and everyone else does. I mean, I'm a part of him- I should know. I miss him all through out the year but from his birthday until around febuary 2nd (the day of his funeral) is a pretty sad time. We've gotten better at dealing with it. I was feeling like we didn't do enough for his birthday so Jeffrey took me to wal mart and we got some cupcakes to celebrate. I know thats kind of silly. Maybe a little creepy or weird? But it made me feel better. I always hear that he was the best man. He was kind and giving and selfless, and when I'm at my best that I'm like him. That makes me really happy. I think I'd be happy to be like him even if he wasn't great because he's a whole half of me that I've been missing almost my whole life. The things I do know about him I hold on to, I guess thats all I can do. I don't want to make anyone sad with me so I guess I'll just talk about non daddy stuff now. We went to my school today and my online class starts tomorrow, they made it really easy to switch over. My school is so flexible and understanding and helpful. I love them. Also another giant piece of news is that when we went to wal mart for the cupcakes, I also got a straightner. My chi broke about two and a half weeks ago and I've been walking around looking like a wildebeest. Thats how you spell it I checked google. I stood there comparing for quite a long time and found what looked like a really great one for just 25 dollars. IT WORKS AMAZING!! My hair is beautiful and soft and STRAIGHT!! I'm excited. There is one more thing I forgot to mention when I was talking about daddy, we drove by the last house we lived in with him. and talked about our memories. SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES. And the really awful one where the paramedics came in and tried to save him. :( But mostly good memories. It was weird how I still remember that house as huge and beautiful and full of him, we saw it and it was tiny and weathered with age and so without him. It makes my memories a little sad. I took some pictures though in case its not there one day. I'll leave you to look at those yourself and I'll talk to you kids tomorrow.