Quality, not Quantity

Today was good. REALLY long, but good. I didn't know there were so many daylight hours. We did make it to church this morning. :D It was nice, and Jeffrey really enjoyed it. He agreed to go some more since I want to start to go back. Although that means I have to give his church a go. "/ I guess he deserves the same decency, but I have serious issues with catholicisim. This is my blog, and thats my opinion I don't want any snarky comments about that. Then we sat around and did nothing, but bring raylen to the park. She had so much fun, and she made friends with every kid at the park. I remember how easy it was when we were kids, "I like your shirt." "Thanks, I like your hair, wanna play?" Best friends forever... erm, until their parents haul them off and you have to find someone else to play with. I miss being little. On that note, I'm tired at nine fifteen, so good night babies!

Again with the verbal whiplash

Or is it textual whiplash? You know, since i'm not really SPEAKING, but typing? Anywhoo, Yes, I do realize how long its been since I've done this. It feels foreign to me right now. Lots of things have happened and changed since I last wrote. I'll do my best to fill you in. Where do I begin? I guess with my last post. Things with Shannon have been getting better over time. We're still not best friends, but we are friends I think. Its nice not to have any tension. I didn't need that source of stress anymore. We've changed our minds about wedding plans AGAIN. I know, I can just see you shaking your head on the other side of the screen. Don't judge me. Its a big choice. We both want a ceremony! We have officially decided to marry on the beach of south padre island. We will make sure our immediate family makes it even if we have to pay, Any one else that wants to come can pay for themselves to get there. We will then leave from padre to our honeymoon. We are thinking we want to take a cruise. Probably for like five days, then come home to baytown and have a small reception for everyone who couldn't make it to the ceremony. I like this plan a lot. :D It totally doesn't hurt that this way we get an entire week of wedding-ness. :) I'm still doing school. Le-Sigh. Ugh. Its dragging on, and I'm unhappy doing it. I don't feel like I'm not learning as much as when I went into school. I'm pondering putting school on hold until I get my check and can afford to go back to school. Thoughts? Hmm.. what else? Taryn is turning six months old at the end of the month. I can't even believe it. Shes growing up so fast. Mom says I've lost weight. I can't tell, but if mom thinks you're fat she WILL tell you. I'm hoping shes right. I've been trying a lot lately. I've also seen more of my friends this month than I have in the past year. I like that. I didn't realize how much I missed companionship. I mean I have that in Jeffrey of course, but its different. I'd really like to spend A LOT more time with my friends, so if y'all are reading this, lets make some plans. Free plans albeit, but plans none the less. Jeffrey and I plan on going to my church in the morning. I hope we really do go because I'm excited about that. Its already getting late though so I don't know. Thats all for tonight kids. Hope and pray I can keep this up. :) Later, babies!

I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit

For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worthy person. Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, i kept it all for myself. Now, the forgiveness that i hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit.No more! At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. Of all the world's population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment. I now understand that forgiveness has value only when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing, andI create in myself a new heart, a new beginning. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. Many are the times when i have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confrontation. Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe. The rage I nurture is often one-sidded, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense! I will now and forevermore silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it. By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness. I am content in my soul and effective again with my fellowman. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. Knowing that slavery in any form is wrong, I also know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course. Those who are ciritical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision, and I forge ahead. I now kow that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself. For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself. Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again in my mind. Every borken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life. My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip. When I disappoint myself, I responnd with inaction and become more disappointed. I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny. I have forgiven myself. My life has just begun. I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. I will forgive myself. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.


Decision six from the traveler's gift by Andy Andrews. An amazing book! Decision six was/is and probably always will be my favorite. I have to work on it quite a lot. I had it on facebook and just came back across it. Figured I'd share it with all my blog readers. :) I intend to be a great blogger again really soon. Until then! 

A Blog-full

Oh my God, its been a long time! I'm sorry I've been going nonstop, and I've only just caught my breath enough to update you all. I guess I'll start with my trip to Nebraska. It was wonderful despite the circumstances. Wonderful because the last time I saw all the Carpenters was for a family reunion ten plus years ago. It nice to feel apart of something with a history and have something in common with so many people. It nice to feel that everyone loves everyone just because they are apart of eachother. I miss so much having my family around. I guess thats why I spend so much time at Jeffrey's. I feel bad lately though I miss spending time with my mom, and I've been home a lot more. After I got back from Nebraska Jeffrey and I had a talk about our wedding plans. We're thinking of going to the JP and then having a backyard reception and going to EUROPE for a honeymoon! That would be amazing. Or alternatively having a whole backyard wedding and going on a nice trip. Either way I think we've both kind of given up the dreams of a wedding wedding. I mean ten thousand dollars? Thats a lot of money! We can go ahead and spend ten thousand but only use maybe two for a backyard wedding, and then eight on a trip to wherever we please! I've always wanted to travel and I feel like I should before we have kids. I'd like to one day travel WITH my kids, but it doesn't seem like a possibility right now since I realize how expensive things are. So tell me what you think about our wedding plans?? After that we went camping  for eight days. It was nice! We did a whole mess of nothing and my cousin Krissy came to see us for a little while. It was nice seeing her! Everyone got a long beautifully. Pepper acted like she was my best friend, and Shannon even talked to me like we were okay We've been back for a few days and we're still talking some, which is huge after fighting for women in case you didn't know. Especially two spiteful bitches like ourselves. Hahahaha. We're not friends, but we're civil and I can handle that. Its nice to not be fighting anymore. Now I'm just working on school and thinking about our approaching wedding and contemplating my next life steps. I'll keep you guys updated.

Busy bee

I know that its been a while. I've been busy traveling, homework, dealing with my relationships and just plain living. We're about to leave for camping on saturday, so i won't be updating then either. Sorry I've been of no entertainment. I'll see you guys in a little more than a week. I'm going to lay in bed and watch my show. :)

I'm the luckiest girl ever

Can I just start by saying I love my aunt leeleen, and aunt vj? I really do. They're sending me to cozad so I can make it to the funeral with them. I couldn't afford to since I quit my job. I was really torn up about it yesterday/last night. Could you even imagine not saying goodbye? I feel so loved and relieved and taken care of. Not to mention mom is loaning me some money to eat on while I go. I get to just go say goodbye and mourn and that feels so good because I don't have to worry about anything but my grandma. I know I'm emotional and everything from it happening anyway, but I just wanna cry so much that they are taking me with them. I'm so appreciative and I'll probably not stop hugging anyone. I leave saturday, the funeral is Monday, and I come home Tuesday. I looked up the forecast, and I might not make it home its going to be FREEZING. Not literally, but for a texas girl it will be. Dealing with my sadness seems so much more attainable now, and I hope so much to see my uncle donnie wayne and my aunt margie lynn while I'm there. I'm sure they will try to make it. I just want to see everyone so I can make one more memory with them since obviously life isn't guaranteed. I hate that revelation hanging so heavy after each person's death. Anyway, I have the best family in the world. I feel so blessed, and even now I have one more guardian angel looking after me. Thats all I'm up for for tonight. Thanks for listening babies.

Heaven gained an angel today

 And The world lost an amazing woman. My grandmother Beverly June went to be with the lord. I'm beyond upset that shes gone, she's all I had left of my daddy. I am however happy that she is with him again and my uncle art and they're taking care of eachother now. I hate getting older and one person after the other is leaving my life.. I'm just really bummed out. She's never got to meet Taryn. She won't be at my wedding, and she'll never meet my kids. I'm just heartbroken even though I know she's all better now. Thats all I have to say for tonight. She was such a lady. She was the epitome of manners and class. She was fabulous and I always wanted to be like her. When I was little she was my best friend. I spent all my time with her and at her house. She told me crazy stories to account for my questions. Like when I wanted to know why some people were black. She told me because they come from africa and its by the equator, and its REALLY hot there so their skin was God's way of protecting them from sunburns. :) I always believed her too. She treated me like an adult even when I was tiny. One time I was too scared to sleep and she told my tiny little self that, "there was nothing to fear but fear itself." Coming from her it made me feel better. Sometimes she even brought me a whole bag full of french fries.  Rest In Peace Grandma June. I love and miss you (already) I'll be thinking of you.