Beautiful Nail

I didn't post last night because I couldn't move. Jeffrey and I have had some suspicions that I'm lactose intolerant for a while now. They were confirmed yesterday. At like 1 AM I drank a LARGE chocolate milkshake and immediately felt like crap. I was vomiting and doing something else in the bathroom all day. Needless to say I didn't go to work. My tummy still hurts some so I didn't go tonight either. I feel bad about that, but I go back tomorrow for the 11-5 shift. Ugh I wish ANYONE would call me back for another interview somewhere else. I spent today doing homework for my online class. Now I just have one last thing to do for this unit. Its suprisingly easy but a lot of work. Oh well, the extra time I spend working on homework was what I would have spent driving to school. I don't know if thats a fair comparrison but whatev. So far I'm happy with my choice to switch. I'd like to just mention that right now pandora is playing hilary duff for me. I approve very much. I miss lizzie mcguire. Man TV was so good when we were little. What the heck happened? Anyways back on track, so other than homework today I went and got my eyebrows done. FINALLY. They were god awful. I couldn't go to my usual and favorite nail salon because of them trying to arrest me back in october. Long story. Anyways so I just went to the next closest one. It was in the little shopping center with the drive thru subway next to the brand new taco bell. Its called a&c nails. It wasn't nasty, it just wasn't nice. Does that make sense? It was packed full too, which didn't make sense to me. So they tell me to go in the little waxing room. I do, and the only male working there comes in and tells me to lay down. Normally it wouldn't bother me. I've had plenty of guys do my nails, hair and eyebrows even make-up before. Hes about as big around as Jeffrey's ten year old niece jade, with glasses the size of her head. Really. Still this wouldn't bother me either usually. What bothered me was the way he was weezing over my face as he took 20 minutes to wax my eyebrows. Its never taken anyone that long. It was weird and uncomfortable. Speaking of Nail salons I'd like to share this HILARIOUS video with you guys. :D See you babies tomorrow.

Look who's a grumpy bunny tonight

I'm not in a good mood. I had an awfully busy day at work, and had to deal with mean coworkers. I'm serious, this old hag is so rude. I'm so close to reporting her. Last time a complained about a coworker to Greg I haven't been scheduled to work with that guy anymore. She always talks about sex and cusses worse than a sailor, I really hate sounding like a prude but its inappropriate and unladylike. It might be different if she wasn't screaming to word anaconda across the whole restaurant. Let alone while I'm on the headset with a customer. It might not even bother me so much if she wasn't so dang rude ALL THE TIME. To top it off, tonight I only made $11.40 in tips. One silver lining is that I found $20 in my apron I forgot that I had. I LOVE when that happens. So now I'm off to do stuff with my online class. Hope I have more interesting things to say tomorrow, for all of your sakes!

Black young and famous, money hanging out the anus.

BEST LYRIC EVER.   Anyway, I figured I'd start this blog out happy since today was so sad for me. Today is my dad's fifty-first birthday and he wasn't here to celebrate it with me. In fact four days after his birthday marks the anniversary of his death. On January 31st, it will be fifteen years passed. I can't believe that. Honestly- I can not wrap my head around it. Or more importantly my heart. My poor daddy was just thirty-six and four days when he went to heaven way too young. The way the anniversaries are so close together makes you really realize the unexpected way that life goes. Who ever thinks, "Awesome, its my birthday! Now let me live my last four days up." ? No one. So this year Jeffrey drove Terri, the babies and me out to his grave. Kameron colored a dinosaur picture for him and we each wrote a note on it for him. Then we sang happy birthday to him and left. There really wasn't much more to be done there. I would really rather think of him not as a grave. Granted I don't have much to go on. I was barely five when he had to go. So I'd rather be at home and think of my few memories, and comfort myself with how much everyone says I am like him. It hurts my feelings that I don't know him or really what he was like, and everyone else does. I mean, I'm a part of him- I should know. I miss him all through out the year but from his birthday until around febuary 2nd (the day of his funeral) is a pretty sad time. We've gotten better at dealing with it. I was feeling like we didn't do enough for his birthday so Jeffrey took me to wal mart and we got some cupcakes to celebrate. I know thats kind of silly. Maybe a little creepy or weird? But it made me feel better. I always hear that he was the best man. He was kind and giving and selfless, and when I'm at my best that I'm like him. That makes me really happy. I think I'd be happy to be like him even if he wasn't great because he's a whole half of me that I've been missing almost my whole life. The things I do know about him I hold on to, I guess thats all I can do. I don't want to make anyone sad with me so I guess I'll just talk about non daddy stuff now. We went to my school today and my online class starts tomorrow, they made it really easy to switch over. My school is so flexible and understanding and helpful. I love them. Also another giant piece of news is that when we went to wal mart for the cupcakes, I also got a straightner. My chi broke about two and a half weeks ago and I've been walking around looking like a wildebeest. Thats how you spell it I checked google. I stood there comparing for quite a long time and found what looked like a really great one for just 25 dollars. IT WORKS AMAZING!! My hair is beautiful and soft and STRAIGHT!! I'm excited. There is one more thing I forgot to mention when I was talking about daddy, we drove by the last house we lived in with him. and talked about our memories. SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES. And the really awful one where the paramedics came in and tried to save him. :( But mostly good memories. It was weird how I still remember that house as huge and beautiful and full of him, we saw it and it was tiny and weathered with age and so without him. It makes my memories a little sad. I took some pictures though in case its not there one day. I'll leave you to look at those yourself and I'll talk to you kids tomorrow.

Rip daddy- Happy birthday

This is a paper I wrote a long while back about what happened. 

 I laugh, I smile, and I get into trouble. But no one knows that many of my laughs are empty. Many of my smiles are not happy, and the trouble I get into is not unfounded. No one knows. I don't pretend to look for sympathy. I have long since come to terms with what happened, but I will also not pretend that it didn't affect me. It took something from me, something dear, something completely and totally irreplaceable, and something to which I have never yet been able to assign a name.

When my father left, it crushed me. For the longest time, I couldn't understand why. I was at the age where everything had to do with me, just barely five years old. I'm not sure if I ever blamed myself, but I am sure that since he's been gone, everything is just a little less bright. Nothing is as clear or as perfect as it should be. My outlook on life is damaged. Like a hairline crack on a mirror, the realization of the fact that my father is no longer here will always be here, not always in the foreground, but always there, taking away from the beauty of the picture, subtracting from the power of every moment. It's not something I think about often, but it never fully goes away.

That day still resides in my thoughts, making me painfully aware it wasn't a dream. So young, so unacquainted with chaos, I had no idea what was going on around me. Had I known that would be my last chance to be with my father, surely I would have given it the respect it deserved, but I did not. That day was the birth of the rest of my life. I say a birth carefully; we did not just move on, my mother, sister, and me. We struggle to move on, to live again.

I was taking my afternoon nap, like I did everyday. My mother came in crying and shaking me, asking me to get up. My dad was lying on the couch screaming, with nothing but the white of his eyes showing. I was too young to know what was going on and too scared to care. Mom was making phone calls. What seemed like minutes later, paramedics came in, ushering us out of the house. I went back inside to get my glasses and saw as the men were sitting on him, trying to control his flailing of his limbs. I was aghast, terrified, even as they loaded him into the ambulance and shut the doors. That was the last time I saw him alive.

Years have passed now and we have settled into a new life, missing something, but making up for it. Sometimes I wonder how my mother can even look at me, a constant reminder of the love she used to know. Sometimes, anger floods over me when I think of how I never celebrate Father's Day or have any one to chase boys off, someone to fight with when my shirt is too short, or to one day walk me down the aisle.

My father not being here is definitely a plight; I cannot cheapen it by calling it anything less than this. The situation has taken so much normalcy from my life, but in other ways, it has made me stronger, better, a little more grown, and wiser. His absence has taught me one of my greatest lessons: The greatest thing about life is summed up in three words – it goes on.

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours

Sorry I didn't write last night. I was hanging out with my family while Jeffrey watched the playoffs with his. Its so weird being away from him. I don't feel like miserable without him, I just feel better, more whole with him. I don't mean to sound corny, but he really does complete me. He makes me happier and better and I'm so glad we found eachother so young. Hes my perfect soulmate and I have in him everything I could ever want. Sometimes I want to kill him, but I'd always kill for him. I guess thats why I feel bad hating someone in his family. I know he doesn't like that selfish woman either, but I know that he loves her, and that us hating eachother hurts him. I feel so guilty. I never want to cause him any pain ever. When he hurts I hurt. I feel like a really crappy fiancee because as much as it bothers me for him I can't seem to get a handle on my pride and try to work things out with shannon. I don't think I should have to, I took special caution not to say anything really damaging or ugly when we were fighting so that I'd have nothing to apologize for. I didn't even cuss. I don't know though. I don't want him to hurt and I don't want to swallow my pride. I feel like I'm so undeserving of him. I've been thinking a lot about our future. I really believe we'll have the perfect relationship forever. As time passes hes become less and less of a pushover. Hes not afraid to hurt my feelings even though he hates to make me cry- and will always fix whatever is broken in me, by him or not. I think thats what true love is about. Truth. Absolute pure and untainted truth. We can tell eachother anything always. I feel like maybe I'm not being 20 how I "should" but I wouldn't do it any different any day. I can't imagine how people would willingly go out and get hammered so badly that they don't even remember who they were with and what they did or where. I love having my baby to come home to. I worry if sometimes I might regret "growing up" too fast, but I don't see how I can when the point of growing up is to find someone like him and live happily ever after forever. Judge me how you want say what you will, but I wouldn't want my life any other way. Everything steers you towards finding the one. Even if you "Just want a career" why? For money? What do you need money for? To buy nice things? Why do you need nice things if you don't have anyone to share them with? We skipped some steps, but I'm so glad we did. I don't know if this is even making sense. I'm really just babbling so forgive me. Its time to cuddle.

Worth checking out

My mom started a blog!
Click here for my mom's blog
So did apryl!
To Apryl's blog!
Don't forget to check out Janey and Christina too!
Janey's blog here! Find Christina's blog here
And as always Krissy's!
Krissy's blog

Because the night

Has been stuck in my head like all day, and I can't figure out why. Also nothing happened today. I went to work and I only had to stay about three and a half hours. That was nice. I'm still all pissy about what I talked about yesterday. Life goes on though. I still haven't taken care of any of the things I am supposed to yet. Theres something wrong with me. I asked Greg where the heck my paycheck was and he said he didn't know we would figure it out tomorrow. Whatever. I go in early tomorrow which sucks because I'll have to work through the lunch rush and happy hour. Its awesome though because I kill in tips when I work 11-5. Also I usually don't work with Stacey from 11-5 which means I'll have nice managers.You know what else I hate? When the top end of the remote is pointing at me. It freaks me out. It like sends rays to the tv to change channels and stuff, and I'm scared that when its pointing at me it is sending rays at me. I know thats stupid considering there is laptop in my lap and I talk on a cell phone. Jeffrey makes fun of me for that all the time. Speaking of him, he made roast and potatoes tonight for dinner. It was really good. Hes so great at everything. I love him. Thats all I have to say for now. Maybe I'll have more tomorrow. I'm about to get off here and watch my show then go to bed. Nighty-night babies.