Being nice when you don't want to isn't fake, its growing up

Today was so blah. I did nothing. I can not wait to go back to school in august. I really do not enjoy online classes. It wouldn't be so bad if I could take more than one at a time. It might also not be so bad if I had a job to keep me busy. I can't even begin to tell you how utterly useless I feel. I hate not have a purpose everyday. I know putting it like that is pretty dramatic. I honestly feel like it is that urgent though. Everything just feels stagnant and icky lately. I need to get my car in order. Both of my tags are out, I don't have insurance, and I can NOT find my drivers license anywhere! Now I really need a job, and I have no way to go job hunting really. Any friends out there who want to run me around for a whole day? *Crosses fingers. For some ungodly reason I've just felt so emotional today, and finally realized that sometimes you can't tell anybody how you really feel; not because you don't know why, not because you can't trust them - simply because you cannot find the right words to make them understand. There are some instances in life where words are insurmountable and emotion is all you have to depend on. There is a double-edged comfort in knowing that no one really ever knows. I stayed up REALLY late last night even though I was tired at nine fifteen. I was reading my book. Its AMAZING. Even though I've heard from a few people how awful the movie was. Eat, Pray, Love is the name. I still have a little more than a hundred pages. I've been reading it for awhile but it seems like I still have so many pages left. Thats frustrating. Its really interesting though. I've always been really.. whats the word? Impressionable? When I'm reading something, I feel as though I'm the main character and I'm having that experience. I've always been that way. I feel as though I just spent four months in italy, and I am in smack dab in the middle of an elusive ashram in rural india. In a few hours I'm moving on to indonesia. This makes my day a little more interesting. I won't know who I am for a few minutes after I finish the book. But, I have a stack of books waiting. Its always nice to have as many as I want at my disposal. I'm so glad my mom paid my library fine for me. Shes been so sweet lately. Thats all for tonight babies.