Not so hot mess

I always say not a lot has been going on. I guess that is because its not a lot to anyone but me. I feel like a lot has been going on, but I know its just me. I've been too stressed and worried to compose a coherent post. I'm still to stressed and worried to throw something decent together, so there is this: I'm so lazy. I have one thing to do for the day and I focus all my energy on that and I don't want to do anything ever again all day. I had an interview at walmart last week. They liked me so  much they gave me my second interview the same day and called the next day to schedule my interview. I missed the call and when I finally got ahold of them the day after they said they were already done with interviews for the day they'd talk to me this week. I called monday and they weren't there. I called tuesday and they said they would call me. So I went to sleep again since it was like 7 AM and they called back an hour later. I missed the call AGAIN. Now I'm waiting to call back today until 7 I stayed up all night so I wouldn't miss calling and they MIGHT be there at eight. I'm so frustrated. I really need this job. I've been hardcore praying. I felt like I had it. I really did but with all the waiting I'm not confident anymore. I really need it so everyone else pray for me too. I'd like to get it so I'd feel like something in my life was right again. I'm so stressed over school. If i hadn't've taken time off when taryn was born and then failed an online class or two when we went camping and I couldn't do my homework and I wasn't so behind I'd be doing my externship this month and graduating next month. I feel so behind. So I'm taking an extra online course this mod. They couldn't've put me in two harder classes to take online. I also don't have the text books so that doesn't help. i feel so stressed and worried. I know I'm supposed to cast all my cares on God and I'm trying to let go of them, but I feel so vulnerable if I don't hold onto the thoughts and try to figure out how to fix things. I guess thats how I feel in control Its unhealthy but at least I don't throw up or cut or anything. I've been in such a weird spiritual place lately. I'm so... hungry? for it, but so not ready to make the changes to allow spirituality back into my life. I feel like the first step to fixing everything wrong right now is to secure this job, then everything will fall into place. I know this is whiny and all jumpy and silly sounding, but I'm tired and stressed, and worried, and I just typed it all out. Even if some of it doesn't make sense. So now I'm off of here to wait until I can call and try to schedule this interview. Pray for me, babies.